I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
