i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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