i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
