All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize