Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im six kinds of drunk right now
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
