I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
