Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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