whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
