Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
