Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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