I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
false alarm, still single
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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