never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
