i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
