Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
