no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
