I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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