I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
