Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
