Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
