i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Im part way to drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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