All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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