i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
