Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
