all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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