I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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