This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
