Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
