remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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