that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
