Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm like, not good at living.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
