She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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