I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
