It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
