even my farts smell like vagina
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
