ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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