Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
