guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
