God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
