Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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