I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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