Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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