I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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