Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
