If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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