I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
