your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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