Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
