a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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