Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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