did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You smell like a Billy Joel song
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
