I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
