Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
