It's Friday. Sex?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
