I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
