apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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