I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
