the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
