Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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