We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize