im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
