Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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