Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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