You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wish I only lived at night.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
