i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
