i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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