i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
