just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
