Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
honey bunches of taint.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
