So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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