I wish I could punch you in the face.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
