There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
