I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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