im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
