i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
