I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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