they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
