the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
