mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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