Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
