I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
