We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
