yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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