he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
