why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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