i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize