dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
