You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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