So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He? As in you personified your dick?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
