I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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