And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
