you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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